Next we take Berlin (but a bit late)

We get a decent night's sleep in the Liggvagn and manage to disembark without problems at Stockholm central where we have the luxury of nearly two hours ashore. There is work to be done. Two enormous Smogastartas have to be collected, Darren's mate is delivering some beer and the first  reliable WiFi for 24 hours takes a caning. Smorgastarta is a very fancy savoury gateau garnished with prawns in one case and smoked salmon in the other. It is not fishcake.

We are told that Stockholm had been enjoying wonderful sunshine prior to our arrival. We brought some extremely threatening looking clouds with us and by the time we leave it is raining. The train to Copenhagen (number 10 on the official list) is one of the very smart X2000 types, as good as any we have been on but very busy.

The scenery is of the trees,  trees and yet more trees variety,  coupled wa pouring rain. No wonder Swedish novels are so bleak. We eat the first Smorgastarta - very filling. It's Jason' s birthday and he wants to know why there are no candles. Tension mounts as we head south. A twenty minute connection in Copenhagen is starting to look dodgy.

By the time we get to Copenhagen we have missed it so there is then a frantic, but fruitless chase round reservation offices to sort out seats for the next train to Hamburg and the onward connection to Berlin. We are on our own for this bit.We make sure that we are in pole position when the Hamburg train pulls in and we bag the bar. Internet resources are a bit thin but we follow England's batting collapse and keep up with the Tour.

This train is one of the GCERC highlights. A smart German ICE train drives onto a boat for a 50 minute crossing of yhe Baltic Sea - amazing. We are evicted from the coaches and head up to the top deck for fresh air and the second Smorgastarta. It was better than the first one. To a man the boys are totally wowed by this bit. Everybody should do a trip on a train ferry before they die..

Mostly Sweden

Our pro photographer's shots can be seen at pcpho.to/gcerc

A good night's sleep is followed by a civilised breakfast. We strolled down to the station in light drizzle.  The only reason for there being a railway in Narvik is that the Swedes have huge quantities of iron ore that they ship out via the nearest all weather port. It features huge ore trains pulled by 2 in 1 articulated electric locos .

Today we take a seven hour train to Boden where we have about twenty minutes before our 14 hour train to Stockholm. A  bit like flying to Australia with a change in Dubai. There is Wifi in the station. We will be taking Swedish trains for both trips and our first one leaves on time. The line climbs dramatically up alongside a fjord with spectaclar scenery yet again. Every now and then we pass throgh avalanche shelters , built to protect the railway from falling rocks and snow. Photo Paul is in his element. The climb is steep and we are soon at the cloudbase which also happens to be the border where we cross back into Sweden. The Interim Committee deem this to be too early for a toast.

Der Fuhrer puts in a long stint at the front of the peleton and makes some excellent sarnies for lunc. Nordic cheeses taste better than they sound. Lunch is followed by a vodka toast on the grounds that we won't be getting much closer to Russia. There scenery in this bit of Sweden is pretty dull, especially  in comparison with Norway. We discover that there is an empty section of our coach so we decamp there in order to toast the southbound AC crossing and listen to Albert's special railway playlist.  This section is right at the back of the train and has a view back along the track through the end door.

At Boden we only have to cross the platform to our connecting sleeper train. The compartments are 6 berth but roomier than the Amsterdam - Copenhagen train had. Jason is duty chef tonight and does a great job of catering for the various bizarre tastes exhibited. Mike wins a prize for his request for bacon pate, prawn cocktail and jalapeno cheese spread on the same piece of bread. This train has a buffet car so a couple of outrageously expensive beers get drunk before we call time and make an early night of it.

Our King of the Mountains.

Our train arrived promptly in Fauske where we transferred to a quite luxurious bus. We had been worried about getting space on this coach but it turns out there are only 4 other people on it. Departure is prompt as the bus has to make a connection with a ferry about halfway through the five hour trip.
The scenery is stunning if rather stark in places, with forests, waterfalls, and the weird and wonderful rock faces left by the glaciers. A couple of hours into the trip we stop at a supermarket which allows us to stock up on food. The prices are eyewatering.
We soon arrive at the ferry which gives us chance to take in some fresh and rather cool air before the final 2 hours into Narvik. It looks like Rosyth with mountains. Great place for our first shore leave. Mark plays a blinder and talks the bus driver into taking us to Narvik Camping, saving us a two mile uphill walk with kit. Tonight that driver is wearing the polka dot jersey.
Our accommodation is basic but adequate 4 bed bunkhouses with showers (first since Saturday morning) and some basic catering facilities. We scrub up then crack open the calvados and picnic till midnight. The clouds mean that there is no Midnight Sun to see but it is definitely daylight. Then time for bed..

Rudolph for breakfast

We are awoken by an announcement that our train is running over an hour late. The good news is that our connecting train will be held for us. It is distinctly cooler today with significant cloud cover. When we get into Trondheim all we have to do is cross the platform which is lucky the thing gets under way as we are evicting some idle young persons from our reserved seats. Time is quickly recovered as we head north. The train passes through a village called Hell.
Mike has slipped very easily into the role of catering manager. Watching him carve bread with a penknife  was real treat and the soft cheese,  baron and reindeer salami sandwiches are magnificent.

?

We are pretty chipper this morning as we reflect on Jock Loser 3 Jock Ovitch 0 and the rather splendid outcomes of the two weekend stages on the TdF.    There are no frontiers to toast today so opt for vno with our lunch of salt cod, salami, tomatos and cucumber. The £7 beers in the Buffet Car only find a couple of takers but it is soon time to toast the Arctic Circle , marked by a line of cairns. Grappa seemed approprate.

Think about this. We still have 7 hours more travel until we get to Narvik.

Scandinavia for beginners

Stand easy. We made the connection and piled on board a Danish train for Gothenburg.  We had about 13 minutes in Copenhagen.  Somehow we managed to occupy the quiet section and made ourselves pretty unpopular by opening the cheese and salami.
Fairly soon after leaving Copenhagen we negotiate the  Oresund Crossing, a bridge/tunnel combo which takes us across the Baltic into Sweden. We are given a firm lecture about having fun in the quiet zone by a man who is merely passing through. Less amusing is the fact that some of the seats that we have occupied are reserved. Slowly we get dispersed throughout the train.
This bit of Sweden is remarkably flat, more like Holland really, and as a team we are all a bit flat. There are a couple of comedy station names to cheer us up but otherwise this is easily the dullest train that we have done so far. Gothenburg might be nice, but all that I saw was a 7-11 type of place. The train on to Oslo is a Norwegian one, quite ritzy and with free wifi so it was a chance to catch up on things.

The relentless diet of cheese and chocolate is interrupted by an issue of apples, rated by some as the highlight of the trip so far. We arrive on time  in  Trondheim at platform 18 where we are met by reinforcements in the shape of Mike G and Albert who have stepped into the provisioning breach. They have even brought cold beers which are very welcome by the time we have trekked over to Plaform 1 and checked into our small but perfectly formed twin birthed cabins. They are so small that we are onliged to have our party in the corridor..

For you Tommy the smoking is over.

We get to Amsterdam on time and after a bit of messing about find my pal Mach who has been shopping for us and brings us cheeses, jars of rollmop herrings and some rather special beer. We don't have very long in the Dutch capital and we soon need to squeeze into our couchette cabin on the Borealis heading for Copenhagen.  Confusingly the station destination screen says Warsaw. A party breaks out along with a picnic. Der Fuhrers e cigarette causes a bit of a stushie and we are threatened with'Travel Cancellation' by the train manager.

On a lighter note Paul commenced a series of masterclasses for the photographically challenged.

We have an early call booked as we plan to stick our heads out of the window as we travel round the spiral that allows the train to climb the height of a battleship above the Keil Canal but the Germans have diverted the train in order to thwart us. It is also running a couple of hours late. Then it starts getting later which is quite scary. Our stroll round the Tivoli Gardens is at risk and even worse the provisioning arrangements are down the swanny.

It begins to look as if the 2 guys meeting us in Oslo will have 6 beds each on the Oslo - Trondheim sleeper.

Photos to follow when bandwidth permits.

We are not a Stag Party.

Up bright and early on a sunny morning for the ten minute stroll to St Pancras where the teamare already starting the t-shirt ritual. Our Full English is accompanied by a couple of drinks. The food reminds us why we are embarking on a railborne gourmet tour of Europe.
Check in is more Easyjet than Orient Express but we don't have long to wait until we are boarding our first train. It  is only fitting that our leader has been allocated Seat 61.
The not very spectacular countryside flashes past as we christen the shot glasses. Two stops in France then we hit Brussels. We had a lively debate about what needed to be on the shopping list which resulted in a decision to have a Moules Frites lunch. A short hop on a local train takes us from Midi into the heart of Brussels where we get bread, cheese, wine and other essentials. The moules at Chez Leon are spot on, especially with a couple of beers.

The shopping isn't too tedious and the only downside is the groups in matching Stag Party t-shirts. Not like us. The bright red shiny Thalys is running a little late but makes up time despite being diverted. We don't want to be late in Amsterdam as we have a date.

Our Man in Seat 61

So here it is at last. DD's tribute to GCERC's very own Evil Genius. The man whose warped and troubled mind has dreamed up this extraordinary event and whose threats and cajoling have persuaded citizens from over two dozen countries to sacrifice themselves for the cause. 

His telephone voice is now feared from Ffestiniog to the FYR Macedonia while an insane obsession with the perfect Smörgåstårta has forced several highly respected caterers in Stockholm to close down for the summer. Croatia has even joined the EU in order to avoid his wrath. He has shrugged off threats from the Hungarian sausage mafia, survived a sabotage attack by a man with a dodgy timetable app and coped heroically with having the Geneva-Barcelona train snatched away from him. 

DD is delighted, nay honoured, to have the opportunity to talk to Der Führer as he holds court from seat 61 on the 8.57 Eurostar from St Pancras to Brussels.

 DD - Mark, I can't tell you how glad we are that you found time to talk to us. On a scale of 1-10 how did you rate breakfast at the Betjeman? 



Why did you sell your train set?

I didn't, I gave to a good cause. My kids weren't interested in it and so there was no fun in denying them use of it. It's in much better hands now.

Extreme train travel is an unusual hobby for a Professor of Solar-Terrestrial Physics. When did you ditch the beard?
I divide my spare time between contemplating the magnetosphere and donating my bodily fluids to the insane. My motto is “in this life one thing counts, in the sperm bank large amounts”

Is Albert a real person?A.L.B.E.R.T , the  Amorphic Linear Bidirectional Extended Railway Timetable, is a research project

 
Now that GCERC is in the bag what is the next great rail adventure?
Don't count your class 373's until the fat controller stands up back at St Panc.

What was the worst moment during the planning phase?
Opening the bag of tickets containing about 300 pieces of paper and weighting 1.3kgs

 

Who would you say is GCERC's 13th man?

Ole Gunnar Solskjær will be joining us in Oslo. 
 
 

 Tell us about fiming Night Hair Child with Britt Ekland?
 Most children involved in 1970s entertainment industry are understandably traumatized. I on the other hand have spent the last 40 years trying to donate sperm to that woman

         

          Deltic or A4? 
 One that works. So that's a no contest really isn’t it. Snorts two plumes of diesel exhaust .




Is there any room in your life for punctuation or capital letters?
dontyoujustfckinghatetheinternetspellingpolice
 
Will you be taking a copy of this book with you?
It's my Bible, Koran, Bhagavad Gita and flat pack bog roll.
 

If you could bring anybody from any point in history along on this trip who would it  be?John Churchill 

Hungarian 'ringstinger' or burek?
Are these United's summer signings?

 
Which bit of GCERC are you most looking forward to and why?
I am most looking forward to cevapcici, I'll be trying one in each of Brasov, Buchurest, Sofia, Skopje, Belgrade,Sarajevo and Split. The bookies favourite is Sarajevo but it's funny old game. 
 
 

What is your favourite film featuring trains?
Has to be Albert Finney's Poirot, but Oliver Postgate runs him a very close second. I do like the train sequence in from Russia With Love. They make it from Istanbul to Ljubjana in about 12 hours!, we could do the whole trip in a long weekend at that speed.

Your turn to contribute to K-Tel's GCERC Greatest Hits. 3 tracks please
.Cracking Up - Nick Lowe

Bat Out Of Hell - Meatloaf 

I Drove All Night - Cindy Lauper

Well Mark we wish you and the team a wonderful trip around Europe and may the Cevapcicis be good to you.

Day Zero Part 2

The plan worked! Trains 1 and 2 were both on time and even had working WiFi so I could keep abreast of the luggage abuse on our Facebook thread. There was just enough time in Edinburgh to grab an iconic Capital city photo between trains.

On my second train, wallowing in first class luxury and complimentary wine I sat opposite a man from Munich who was doing the UK on a two week rail pass. He was most concerned that he might not be able to visit York Minster because of some kind of Synod event and seemed a bit surprised that i was not aware of this event.

The Swinton Hotel is not the smartest place I have ever stayed at but it sufficed for a night and is very handy for Kings Cross and St Pancras.  Mick arrived promptly and we had a couple of beers before our curry. On the way back to base we checked out the Betjeman.

Day Zero

 


Still can't remember what it is that I have forgotten to pack so I will have to do without.



 According to the GCERC blog Route page tomorrow is Day 1 so logically today is Day Zero and for some of us it is the first day of our travels/travails. It is also the last chance I have to launch the blog from the feather bedded luxury of a real keyboard. From here on in posts will be put together on the Tab. Watch out for unintended comedy outcomes.

 
Today's plan is to get the train into Edinburgh (29 km) and then the 11.30 East Coast service to Kings Cross (632 km). Once in the Smoke it should be a short stroll to the Swinton Hotel and a meet up with Agent 00Mick .  We then aim to head out for a last taste of Blighty by way of a curry and maybe the odd beer.








 Spectacular European Capital Cities not visited by GCERC - No. 1

Hope to be updating progress as things happen on Twitter @DisorientatedD

It looks like the interview with Der Fuhrer is ON for tomorrow. 

Squeaky Bum Time

Woke up this morning to a Facebook exhortation from our leader to pull our fingers out as there are only two days left. For yours truly that is now around 24 hours.The highly disciplined Secret Admin Thread on FB has now fragmented into a dozen different conversations, each wandering off at tangents of panic and recrimination. We are  not going to be short of shot glasses or chopping boards. Looks like things will be just as we envisaged all those months ago.

Starting to seriously worry now about what it is that I have forgotten. There must be something but I'm blowed if I can think what it is. Even the annoying fiddly things like putting the 11 other guys numbers in my phone have been done. Lawn mowed, paint bought so Mrs DD can decorate the bathroom while I am away, do I need spare shoelaces?

Places we won't have time to see Pt 1

Reasonably entertaining day at the Tour yesterday. Spotted this on Twitter. 

"Individual Tour de France stage wins: Mark Cavendish 24, Australia 23"

(Don't forget - DD is now a Twit @DisorientatedD - become a DD Disciple)

 

Luckily we only have a limited amount of time in Germany. This sounds really annoying. 

A German firm is proposing to transmit adverts via train windows so that the sound appears to "come from inside the user's head" when passengers lean against them. The idea would use bone conduction technology, a technique that transmits sound to the inner ear by passing vibrations through the skull.

Full piece here.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23167112

Where, I hear you ask, is the interview with our Glorious Leader? Good Question. 

I just hope that he is better at catching trains than he is at meeting journalistic deadlines. He is currently into his 14th minute of Fergie Time

Watch this space. We might get lucky yet.

Trainspotting with John H

Today I find myself rather nervously waiting for my man on the corner of Lexington Avenue and 125th Street in uptown Noo Yawk.  Not totally convenient a couple of days before setting off on a Euro rail marathon but it does give me the chance to do a bit of recce work for Project Konigsberg.    

 

John H has selected this location as he apparently has some business to transact somewhere around here.  Decades of living the rock'n'roll lifestyle have not dimmed John's enthusiasm for life on the edge. He arrives more or less on time and we retire to the stoop of a nearby brownstone to begin the interview. The deal is that I pay a cash fee of $26 up front. 


 

Our subject has already made it clear that he is not prepared to talk about his teenage years as a senior military commander in the Taliban so we get straight to the point.

DD - We hear that you are organising a boot camp to get Der Fuhrer into peak condition. What activities will this involve?

Vast quantities of mind bending class A drugs and arm wrestling with Captain Shakti
 
What is your earliest memory of train travel?

Steam trains in Leningrad. My Dad was a KGB spy.
 

What is the worst train trip that you have ever done?

Lucknow to Nealgargh sitting in the corridor outside the 'toilet' being dripped on by toilet water.
 

What was it like working with Beefy and Lamby?

I never met them but apparently they were twats.
 

You went through GCIRC. Have you got a tip for us noobs?

Dont shoot up in the train toilets. It makes you feel really dirty.

Tell us about your relationship with Captain Shakti.

Oily.  Very oily.

 Is there a GCERC highlight that you are looking forward to?

Shooting up in the train toilets.
 
Is there anything that you think we need to know about other members of the team?

Captain Shakti is not homosexual.
 
We liked the Coach Trip graphics on your website. Is it true that ML was too mean to commission something similar for us?

I'm very ashamed of Coach Trip. Please don't mention Coach Trip ever again.

Do you know the real story about the tiffin tins?

Its a mystery. They were there, then they weren't there. Probably junkies.

 

Froome or Contador?

Bored of Froome already so sorry it's Contador all the way.

If you could take anybody from history along who would it be and why?
I'd take William Burroughs for obvious reasons.

Three tracks for the album please

You're only getting one and that's Dead On Arrival by Throbbing Gristle.

At this point we were approached by a man dressed all in black, with dodgy shoes and a big straw hat. DD decided that discretion was the better part of valour and legged it for the subway.

Warning: Contains Train Nut

Mike G is a totally obsessed train nut.   You just need to flick through his flickr account to discover this. He is the sort of guy who buys his kids a train set and then doesn't let them play with it because they don't observe Rule 55 properly.






He also has a refreshing interest in the remoter reaches of  professional football where he uses his clout to rig Macclesfield Town matches so that he can relieve suckers of bottles of champagne. His reputation as a card shark travels before him

 
What we like about Mike is his down to earth approach. None of this reach for the stars luxury or time travel nonsense for him.  A pint of Red Willow and a Scotch Egg at the Catford Bridge Tavern  gave the long suffering DD budget a break and it was a relief to be able to use the Oyster card for travel rather than the Platinum Visa.

How did you become an archaeologist?
I spent an awful lot of time digging through Der Fuhrer's code when we worked together at Yahoo, trying to find interesting things. Archaeology is a logical - but muddier - step from that.

We hear that you have worked with ML previously. Any anecdotes that you can share? (Please remember this is a family site)
ML used to be a big fan of a "splash and dash" after work, the name of which implies a swift pint followed by legging it home before he got a telling off from his missus.

Unfortunately, ML usually failed on both counts. The "splash" invariably turned into six pints, and Mark's ability to fall asleep on the train home from Paddington to Reading was legend. He's woken up in Didcot, Swindon and, most impressive, Swansea. His missus refused to let him out for weeks after the Swansea incident!

All other ML anecdotes are very much unsuitable for a family audience.

What is the best piece of code that you have ever written?

I used to run the official web site for my beloved Macclesfield Town FC. A well known football news web site was constantly nicking every news story that we put up on the site, changing a few words, and republishing it. It was getting very annoying, so I wrote a bit of code to show them different stories to everyone else. We managed to feed them, over the course of a week, a series of more and more improbable stories, that they dutifully republished, culminating in the announcement of the shock signing of the chairman of Macclesfield Town's Scandinavian supporters club.
(Mike has been known to set lions onto opposing fans.)

What is your earliest memory of train travel?
Stockport to Peterborough, sometime in the summer of 1988. Five and a half hours on a Sprinter. Ouch.

What's your best train journey ever?
About ten years ago, a group of us (ab)used some free South West Trains all day passes to complete the ultimate pub crawl - to have a drink in ten counties in one day. It's a good job one of the group wrote the day up (link is http://www.beerintheevening.com/articles/10cc/ ) because my memories of the day are very fuzzy indeed.

What's your worst train journey ever?
The same trip from Galway to Dublin that Darren F described in his interview. It makes me feel ill just thinking about it now.

What on earth persuaded you to sign up for GCERC?
I'd followed the trip round India with interest, and as soon as ML said there was a plan for a trip around Europe I signed up immediately. It's a shame I can't do the full circular tour, but on the plus side, I don't have quite so many underpant-related logistics to concern myself with.

Norway sounds expensive. Any good tips for cheapskates?
Pretend the exchange rate is £1 = 25kr and it doesn't seem that bad.

Tell us  more about the kitten pictures.

I can't. The NSA and GCHQ will come after me.  What Lloyd said about Darren secretly wanting to be a nun is all true though.


Which bit of the trip are you looking forward to most?
The Arctic Circle, Berlin, Prague and Budapest. Oh, and every single alcoholic beverage along the way.

 If you could have a model of any prototype you like for your garden railway what would it be?
 
I'd love a Class 37. Modern(ish) British outline stuff is pretty scarce for 45mm tracks, about all you can get is the Class 66 which isn't exactly the nicest looking engine on the planet!

 

 If you could bring anybody from any point in history along with you who would it be?  Please bear in mind that this person will have to stay on board when you bail out at your nominated city starting with B.
The woman who runs the laundrette near my house, because I think there'll be a desperate need for clean clothes by the time I leave the group in Budapest!

Fårikål or Rakfisk?
Fårikal, definitely. Rakfisk is pure evil in food form.

Please nominate three tracks for the GCERC music collection Don't Stop Me Now by Queen
Margate by Chas and Dave
Waltzing Along by James

And then we went back to Mike's house to play trains.

Tomorrow John H tells us about his Rock'n'Roll lifestyle. Unmissable.

Lloyds Slovenia Shocker!!!

That's Lloyds as in LloydsTSB rather than Lloyd S although his latest blog post did precipitate matters. I have been thinking that I had better let my card issuers know that I may be using my cards outside the UK. Lloyd's blog has definitively pinned down which countries will be visited in the Balkans and was my call to action.

When I told the nice lady at the call centre that I would be visiting 23 countries she was not at all phased and asked me which ones. Armed with a list in order of appearance I read them out and all was going well until we got to Slovenia. It would appear that the bank's computer does not list it. So somebody else will be buying the beers in Ljubljana.

My shiny Post Office Platinum card (no foreign transaction fees) is administered in Dublin (?!?) where a more laid back approach rules. "Where are you going?" "Twenty three countries around Europe" "OK. That's Europe then"

Time is rushing  by at a frightening rate. This counter thing on the Official Website is starting to get quite scary, particularly for those who's trip starts a day early. So much to do and so little time. I  need to prioritise here so that the essentials get covered. Just as soon the extended coverage of the Tour de France on ITV4 has finished. Yesterday wasn't quite as chaotic as the end of Stage 1 but was still entertaining.

Tomorrow we will be revealing the scary truth about Mike G