One day Lloyd S will be a household name. Maybe for even longer. For now he chooses to write for a living, apparently because it means that he doesn't have to get dressed every day. In order to help make ends meet he spends a few hours a week in deely-bobbers rattling a paper cup outside his local Wine Shop.
His
publicist, Mrs Slocombe, isn't helping the cause much. She really
scraped the barrel when she sent out this hackneyed family pet shot. DD
is far too classy to run ginger pussy jokes.
Lloyd
requested that we meet in the Corporate Hospitality Suite at Old
Trafford. DD swallowed hard, prised open the kids piggy banks and made a
booking. Sadly there were no tickets available for
the match on 3rd January 2010, so instead we took a Tardis trip back to 6th October 2001 to watch this
highly entertaining game. As we got stuck into the prawn sandwiches
Lloyd gave DD a remarkably frank and wide ranging interview.
DD - Who inspired you to write
novels?
The
person who told me "these short stories are bloody terrible, and if this is poetry I'm a chameleon"
What has been your most memorable train trip so far?
Florence to Bologna, mid 1980s. 2am in the morning. Distracted by a beautiful fellow passenger, and suddenly realising the train we were on was going to Trieste and not Rome as planned, I stood up and threw my shoes and jacket out the window, grabbed my rucksack and reached out for the door. Which the guard had just slammed shut. He wouldn't let me off the train, which pulled away, leaving my passport, tickets and money on the platform. In my jacket pocket. The next stop was Bologna, where we had a humiliating conversation with the railway police. I've done a great many stupid things, but this was the stupidest.
What has been your most memorable train trip so far?
Florence to Bologna, mid 1980s. 2am in the morning. Distracted by a beautiful fellow passenger, and suddenly realising the train we were on was going to Trieste and not Rome as planned, I stood up and threw my shoes and jacket out the window, grabbed my rucksack and reached out for the door. Which the guard had just slammed shut. He wouldn't let me off the train, which pulled away, leaving my passport, tickets and money on the platform. In my jacket pocket. The next stop was Bologna, where we had a humiliating conversation with the railway police. I've done a great many stupid things, but this was the stupidest.
On your website you describe yourself as disappointing in the flesh. Care to elaborate?
This is actually a very elaborate piece of passive bragging. It means "Online, I'm bloody magnificent".
Hornby Dublo or Scalextric?
Hornby. Scalextric never worked, did it? No-one ever admits that now. It NEVER WORKED. We all slashed our lips blowing on those wire-wool connectors to make the sodding thing work.
Hornby Dublo or Scalextric?
Hornby. Scalextric never worked, did it? No-one ever admits that now. It NEVER WORKED. We all slashed our lips blowing on those wire-wool connectors to make the sodding thing work.
What first attracted you to GCERC?
The
chance to spend more
than a fortnight in a metal tube with eleven other men, none of whom
have brought enough deodorant? You'd be mad to turn an opportunity like
that down.
Would you like to spill the beans on any other members of the team?
Would you like to spill the beans on any other members of the team?
Mike
Griffiths once brought down the Internet by installing kitten pictures
on a Yahoo web server. And Darren Foreman secretly wants to be a nun.
Is research expenditure incurred by fiction writers tax deductible?
Is research expenditure incurred by fiction writers tax deductible?
Yes! See question after next.
MacDonald's or foie gras?
MacDonald's. Always MacDonald's.
MacDonald's. Always MacDonald's.
Is it true that your next book will feature a bunch of guys lured by an evil genius onto a railtrip around Europe and who then get bumped off one by one?
Yes. See research expenditure question above. Although I'm pondering killing them off by blowing a carriage up while on a bridge, just like in the Cassandra Crossing. (Note to PRISM - this is a joke, and not a terrorist threat).
Is there any particular GCERC highlight that you are looking
forward to?
Discussing underwear. Arguing over personal Wifi hotspots. Running out of paracetamol. Bulgaria.
If you could take anybody from history on this trip with you who would it be and why?
Hitler. Every time we went through another national border we would slap him over the head with that country's national dish, while singing the theme from The Great Escape.
We will be putting together an album "Now That's What I Call GCERC - Vol 83" Please nominate three tracks for it.
Rock Island Line by Lonnie Donegan*
Mystery Train by Elvis Presley
24 Minutes To Tulse Hill by Carter USM
It has been a pleasure to talk to you Lloyd. Now, about my fee.
It has been a pleasure to talk to you Lloyd. Now, about my fee.
*DD wishes to state to the world that he considers Leadbelly's version of Rock Island Line to be superior.
** LS wishes to state to the world that his new book, The Poisoned Island, is out now! Find out more at www.lloydshepherd.com
***He has also set up his own blog in competition!!! http://www.lloydshepherd.com/2013/06/24/climbing-onboard-the-disorient-express/
Our next issue features
an ex - Pope, a Princess and Ritual Humiliation!!
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