Saturday, 6 July 2013

Our Man in Seat 61

So here it is at last. DD's tribute to GCERC's very own Evil Genius. The man whose warped and troubled mind has dreamed up this extraordinary event and whose threats and cajoling have persuaded citizens from over two dozen countries to sacrifice themselves for the cause. 

His telephone voice is now feared from Ffestiniog to the FYR Macedonia while an insane obsession with the perfect Smörgåstårta has forced several highly respected caterers in Stockholm to close down for the summer. Croatia has even joined the EU in order to avoid his wrath. He has shrugged off threats from the Hungarian sausage mafia, survived a sabotage attack by a man with a dodgy timetable app and coped heroically with having the Geneva-Barcelona train snatched away from him. 

DD is delighted, nay honoured, to have the opportunity to talk to Der Führer as he holds court from seat 61 on the 8.57 Eurostar from St Pancras to Brussels.

 DD - Mark, I can't tell you how glad we are that you found time to talk to us. On a scale of 1-10 how did you rate breakfast at the Betjeman? 

Why did you sell your train set?

I didn't, I gave to a good cause. My kids weren't interested in it and so there was no fun in denying them use of it. It's in much better hands now.

Extreme train travel is an unusual hobby for a Professor of Solar-Terrestrial Physics. When did you ditch the beard?

I divide my spare time between contemplating the magnetosphere and donating my bodily fluids to the insane. My motto is “in this life one thing counts, in the sperm bank large amounts”

Is Albert a real person?
A.L.B.E.R.T , the  Amorphic Linear Bidirectional Extended Railway Timetable, is a research project

Now that GCERC is in the bag what is the next great rail adventure?

Don't count your class 373's until the fat controller stands up back at St Panc.

What was the worst moment during the planning phase?
Opening the bag of tickets containing about 300 pieces of paper and weighting 1.3kgs

Who would you say is GCERC's 13th man?
Ole Gunnar Solskjær will be joining us in Oslo. 

 Tell us about fiming Night Hair Child with Britt Ekland?
 Most children involved in 1970s entertainment industry are understandably traumatized. I on the other hand have spent the last 40 years trying to donate sperm to that woman


          Deltic or A4? 
 One that works. So that's a no contest really isn’t it. Snorts two plumes of diesel exhaust .

Is there any room in your life for punctuation or capital letters?

Will you be taking a copy of this book with you?
It's my Bible, Koran, Bhagavad Gita and flat pack bog roll.

If you could bring anybody from any point in history along on this trip who would it  be?John Churchill 

Hungarian 'ringstinger' or burek?
Are these United's summer signings?
Which bit of GCERC are you most looking forward to and why?

I am most looking forward to cevapcici, I'll be trying one in each of Brasov, Buchurest, Sofia, Skopje, Belgrade,Sarajevo and Split. The bookies favourite is Sarajevo but it's funny old game. 

What is your favourite film featuring trains?
Has to be Albert Finney's Poirot, but Oliver Postgate runs him a very close second. I do like the train sequence in from Russia With Love. They make it from Istanbul to Ljubjana in about 12 hours!, we could do the whole trip in a long weekend at that speed.

Your turn to contribute to K-Tel's GCERC Greatest Hits. 3 tracks please

.Cracking Up - Nick Lowe
Bat Out Of Hell - Meatloaf 
I Drove All Night - Cindy Lauper

Well Mark we wish you and the team a wonderful trip around Europe and may the Cevapcicis be good to you.

1 comment:

  1. I can see why you kept this one until last, very revealing!