Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Trainspotting with John H

Today I find myself rather nervously waiting for my man on the corner of Lexington Avenue and 125th Street in uptown Noo Yawk.  Not totally convenient a couple of days before setting off on a Euro rail marathon but it does give me the chance to do a bit of recce work for Project Konigsberg.    


John H has selected this location as he apparently has some business to transact somewhere around here.  Decades of living the rock'n'roll lifestyle have not dimmed John's enthusiasm for life on the edge. He arrives more or less on time and we retire to the stoop of a nearby brownstone to begin the interview. The deal is that I pay a cash fee of $26 up front. 


Our subject has already made it clear that he is not prepared to talk about his teenage years as a senior military commander in the Taliban so we get straight to the point.

DD - We hear that you are organising a boot camp to get Der Fuhrer into peak condition. What activities will this involve?

Vast quantities of mind bending class A drugs and arm wrestling with Captain Shakti

What is your earliest memory of train travel?

Steam trains in Leningrad. My Dad was a KGB spy.

What is the worst train trip that you have ever done?

Lucknow to Nealgargh sitting in the corridor outside the 'toilet' being dripped on by toilet water.

What was it like working with Beefy and Lamby?

I never met them but apparently they were twats.

You went through GCIRC. Have you got a tip for us noobs?

Dont shoot up in the train toilets. It makes you feel really dirty.

Tell us about your relationship with Captain Shakti.

Oily.  Very oily.

 Is there a GCERC highlight that you are looking forward to?

Shooting up in the train toilets.

Is there anything that you think we need to know about other members of the team?

Captain Shakti is not homosexual.

We liked the Coach Trip graphics on your website. Is it true that ML was too mean to commission something similar for us?

I'm very ashamed of Coach Trip. Please don't mention Coach Trip ever again.

Do you know the real story about the tiffin tins?

Its a mystery. They were there, then they weren't there. Probably junkies.


Froome or Contador?

Bored of Froome already so sorry it's Contador all the way.

If you could take anybody from history along who would it be and why?
I'd take William Burroughs for obvious reasons.

Three tracks for the album please

You're only getting one and that's Dead On Arrival by Throbbing Gristle.

At this point we were approached by a man dressed all in black, with dodgy shoes and a big straw hat. DD decided that discretion was the better part of valour and legged it for the subway.

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